Witchcraft

You know I’m a big fan of Joe Biden. Very personal with me. He reminds me of myself. Goodlooking old white guy, lives in the country, drives a pick-up, shoots off his mouth, doesn’t care how it’s going to affect his future.

So I was pulling for him in spite of the fact that I don’t like a lot of what he wants. There’s something that goes beyond that. It’s the man himself. How he lives, how he talks, thinks, all that stuff you see as the candidates tire.

You can imagine how shaken I was when I saw that woman in the black dress – call it a suit if you want to – I don’t and neither would Hillary – reach out her hand, touch him, and with a few words that we all heard, wrap him up like a spider wraps a fly. “Nice to meet you. Hey, can I call you Joe?”

Huh? Wha? Uh …. Yeah, yeah, sure, anything. Anything. ANYTHING. And off he went to his station, a podium, thank god, to conceal any evidence of the effect she’d had on him. Did you notice, ladies and gentlemen, that he was hardly there for the first few questions. Vacant face, no smile, just yessing along until he came to.

And found himself catty-corner to the lady who’d seduced him, right out there, in front of millions, maybe billions. Who sank him to his figurative knees and left him begging there in the dirt while she went on to captivate the audience, only now and then turning to him … and when she did …

When she did, it was with that big ole Miss America smile. Don’t forget, boys and girls, Joe Biden is a real American. Joe Biden has the heart of a Joe six-pack, whatever new Merlot he’s drinking now. Every time she turned that smile on him, he melted. He blushed. His grin, meant to hide his embarrassment, merely emphasized it.

Her attacks were like butter-cream frosting spread with a soft spatula. Like the loving “tch - tch” of a mommy who’s caught you where you shouldn’t be. You know next minute comes the hug.

And so it did. The handshake was it. It said this spell I put you under is real. It carries over to our real lives. They chatted like a man and a woman who’ve just met at a cocktail party – high-end bar these days – have noted the unignorable superiority of the two of them over other mere mortals, and will be in bed within two hours – together.

Of course these two are a little busy right now for personal flirtations, so they did the next best thing. They introduced the new loved one to the family. Up there on stage were all the beautiful blonde Bidens – so many of them, of all sizes, and the pleasingly plump Palins, all saying hello to Mommy or Daddy’s new friend.

I called it folks, when I said we should go right to the second string. These are two people of conviction and integrity. They can talk to each other with love instead of hate. You could see Biden rooting for her. You could see her appreciating Biden.

Did they have stuff to say? Oh, sure, but you’ve heard it all before. No reason to go into it here. The debate has been moved to a different level. Let’s bask in it for a while.