Palintology

Hey folks

Gotcha selves an eyeful! And now, an earful. This lovely lady – lovely lady number 3, or 4 if you count Cindy, which no one does – pulled a rabbit out from under that big head of hair – an unborn grandchild for the electorate to fight about.

We already saw what a good mother this girl will make when we watched her carry her little Down’s syndrome brother onto the stage while mommy (drum roll) accepted her ticket to ride – on the Straight Talk Express. Didn’t we all murmur how sweet she was? Didn’t we all get a good feeling? Even you?

And look how cleverly it was done. Little Trig is a big boy, and he hid his sister’s “mistake.” Which explains why she clung so tightly to him.

So what’s wrong with it? Daughter stays home to take care of her baby and her baby brother. Maybe she doesn’t go to college to be brow-beaten by her peers into learning to do shots in the dorm and to play beer pong. Will her education suffer? Not if she has Google.

Barack has a different attitude. He said if one of his daughters makes a mistake, he doesn’t want her punished with a baby. Bad phrase for a bundle of joy, Barack. The country is in love with babies right now. Everybody’s got one. Or two, or three. America is on a roll.

And might it not perhaps be better to have your first baby when, pardon me, “God” intended it? A nice healthy seventeen-year-old body is less likely to have an “unusual” baby. And these two will be married before the sex is stale. That can create a true and lasting bond.

Surprise of surprises, the women have rallied around Sarah Palin. They sense the enemy moving in and want to know why it is that men aren’t asked, “Can you manage being a father and holding down a job?” Who says a woman can’t take care of her daughter and her grandchild and all the rest of her brood and still have a life? This is the lady who already proved it can be done. She won us over before we even heard of the little grand-bastard.

The Governor looks like an avatar. With those glasses and that hairdo, like a Librarian from Second Life. Not like a woman with real body parts – the Platonic vision of the woman executive.

The men have already taken off those glasses and taken down that hair, and revealed the runner-up in the contest for Miss Alaska. This gal’s got it all. If that’s not enough, she was voted Miss Congeniality. You know women as well as I do, whether you are one, or you’ve had one. Women do not like pretty women. Pretty women, especially, do not like other pretty women. The phrase they use when confronted with one is, “I hate you.” All in jest, of course. So imagine how hard it would be, not for the ugly duckling of the group, but for the second most beautiful, to be voted Miss Congeniality. She must be congenial indeed.

And for the men who won’t vote for a woman? This one is different. This one is not shaking a finger at them. This one is brandishing a gun big enough to hunt a moose. This one is running every morning, not adding a donut to an already big butt like someone else we know and are afraid of. This one can go one-on-one with Obama on a basketball court. This is a woman who can handle anything. Maybe even you.

Ms. Palin has bipartisan appeal. Did you hate the Bridge to Nowhere? Everybody did. That was supposed to be in her state. She turned the earmark down. Said thanks, if we want a bridge, we’ll build it ourselves. When Alaska shared in record oil profits, she sent them back to the people. She fired a government chef, saying she can make her own sandwiches. Got rid of the government limo saying she likes to drive. What did she do with the jet the state had bought and was paying for? Sold it. On e-bay. (And some of you are worried that John can’t use the Internet. As moot a point now as Barack having no foreign policy credentials. They’ve both got Veeps to cover their blind spots.)

There are plenty of women out there who wanted a woman and were willing to take Hillary even though they couldn’t warm up to her. Now they’ve got a woman they like, and a lot of them are willing to by-pass party affiliations for that. All the lady has to do is go easy on abortions. Maybe take them off the table, so to speak.

Barack already has. He’s essentially said, Lay off the baby business. My mother was eighteen when she had me. He didn’t add, but I heard, “Wouldja like it if I’d been aborted? That might have been a bad mistake.” Like Mary aborting Jesus because he had no daddy.

You never know, folks. If you’re looking at more than the present moment, it’s hard to tell right from wrong.

Is this baby a blessing for McCain? Did it win those women? Has he tapped into their primal selves by producing this age-old situation? It seems to have struck a chord. But maybe it’s just Sarah herself. She’s the first of the candidates who has said anything. And that’s because she’s got something to say.

She’s got more executive experience than all the other three put together. They’ve spent their lives debating, collecting facts, taking positions, and defending them. All they’ve done is make laws, and that’s all they think they have to do. Ms. Palin knows better. She’s had to run the show. A big show. A serious show. In the only frontier state we have left. Alaska has the ocean and the oil wells. Her husband works both, for less annual pay, put together, than a worn-down teacher makes. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the Governor is married to a real man. A man who works with his body as well as his mind. A man some of those men out there – not you – can actually identify with. He is not a lawyer. And neither is his wife.

Sarah Palin has lived most of her life in Alaska, where freedom’s not another word for nothing left to lose. Alaska is a libertarian state. Not that it’s so full of Libertarians, but both the Democrats and the Republicans there understand freedom. The Alaskan conservatives are bigger on personal freedom and the liberals are not so big on big government.

Sarah is someone who has had a life. She is not a career politician. The Democratic party is running two professional politicians. If you’re into change, you have to step away from the parties. McCain has stepped so far away from his that they’ve been bad-mouthing him on talk radio for months. Palin has fought her party and won. These two are as different from their sponsors as they can be and still get counted in the club. If you want more government control over of our lives for the benefit of the fat cats in congress, go with the Democrats. If you want change, here’s the change.

Barack had his big moment in the big arena. It’s all downhill from here. He’s got Resko and the Iraqi billionaire on his program. McCain has a pretty woman who takes on corruption in her own party, who doesn’t give in and can’t be bought off.

Who do you think is going to get a bigger audience in the debates? Obama versus McCain, or Biden versus Palin? I’ll go for the guy and the girl, two people who, if left to their own devices, would tell you the goddam truth. Two people who have remained poor throughout their political lives. Can you imagine how many deals Biden had to turn down to stay pure? How many threats Palin had to ignore to keep going?

Biden would make a great president, and Palin a great Veep. Can’t we skip the main action and go right to Mr. and Ms. Congeniality?