Anybody catch the debate last night? Anybody watch it all the way to the end? Or did you quit when Jim Lehrer wet his pants and had to be sent home?
Never have I seen such a display of juvenilia as Mr. Lehrer put on when the two contestants refused to follow his orders. Which were, Okay, Gentlemen, I want you to pull down your pants and fuck each other. Right there on stage so we can all watch. Each other! Not me! Not the audience! Each other. That’s what’s in my plan. Face to face. No mean feat, and the contestants declined. They continued to ignore each other, except for once or twice when John McCain actually tried to say some words directly to Mr. Obama, and Mr. Lehrer said, “No, no, sorry, time for another question.”
The man should be put out to pasture in the block corner. He was two pees short of a tantrum. For over half the debate, the players refused to obey. But did he take the hint? Did he give up? Did he hope that we would forget that his game plan wasn’t happening? No. Before every question he instructed – not like a kindergarten teacher, but like a sub who doesn’t know kids – “Address your answer to your opponent!” “Talk to each other, not to me!” Face him, not the camera! Spar with each other! That’s what I promised! That sound you hear is the moderator stamping his feet and pounding his podium.
Not that we should have been watching in the first place. Do you know, Ladies and Gentlemen, that this debate was scheduled to be about National Security and Foreign Policy? Well, it was. But the media felt that we had to discuss the financial crisis because that’s what’s on all our one-track-at-a-time minds.
Mr. Lehrer actually said that the debate was supposed to be about foreign policy and national security, which, get this folks, get this, BY DEFINITION includes the global financial crisis. They must have said to each other, over at the commission, “Hey, we’ll just use the word global and tell them by definition it fits, and they’re such jerks, they’ll believe us.” Well, you may be such a jerk, but I’m not.
What’s more, nothing global was mentioned. We went right to tax cuts, health care, and the price of diapers. Which should interest Mr. Lehrer.
It might not have been so bad, or so blatant, if they’d tacked it onto the end of the foreign policy/national security segment, but instead, rubbing his hands together, not wasting a minute, Mr. Lehrer, thinking he had all the power in the world to direct the debaters, demanded that each of them declare how they were going to vote on the financial bailout bill. Well, folks, there is no financial bailout bill yet. That’s what McCain went back to Washington to see about. There was nothing to answer, and the candidates politely ignored him. Seven or eight times at least, as he kept coming back and saying, “I’ll ask that first question again. I still have this turd inside me that won’t come out. I’ll try one more time.”
Two or three times, he screamed at them, “Tell, me. How are you going to adjust your programs to deal with the financial crisis?” Well, man, they’re politicians. They answered around his question, agreeing with him that of course something would have to change, but never saying what.
Finally, I do believe someone informed him there was no bill, and he stopped and at the tail end of the debate, finally got onto foreign policy, after most of the audience was either asleep or at the kitchen table discussing what to do about him – nursing home or assisted living.
Did the candidates say anything? No. Nothing. No thing. Not a thing. That you haven’t heard before. The war’s no issue anymore, we’re coming home and we’re staying. Both. Everybody knows that by now. Each party blames the financial crisis on the other party. It happened on George Bush’s watch, but was the result of Clinton era support of the Fanny and Freddy funnel of funds to the financially impaired. It’s hard to untangle by now, and maybe in our own best interest, we shouldn’t try. One thing has become clear. They’re in it together. They’ve all got their fingers in the pie, and they deserve to, because they all helped bake it. If it’s gone bad, they ought to dispose of it together and stop pretending the other guy made it.
Eisenhower warned us about the Military/Industrial complex. That’s nothing compared to the Legislative/Corporate complex. Which may be why Congress’s approval rating is lower than George Bush’s. You didn’t think anything could be lower than the sewer, did you? But they are. And you’re going to bring them back again next year, for some reason that’s hard to fathom. I suppose it’s along the line of people not minding the smell of their own waste products. I promised I wouldn’t say that other word.
And these two people we have to choose from? They are both from that sub-sewer. Two of the people who make the laws we don’t like, who tell us what to do instead of the other way around.
They’re called “public servants”, but they're taking over, guys. They want to buy a big share of America and make Uncle Sam the national landlord. We’re all going to live in one big government housing project. All you get to pick is which one leads you on your leash, straight to their big pile of dog-do where you can put in your two “scents.”
But stay tuned folks, there’s more coming from the top dogs. It would be in your best interest to hold your nose. How about another trillion to buy up the auto loans that men are tired of paying on their gas guzzlers? Or maybe ten trillion to assume the credit card debt of women who can’t stay away from the shopping channel?
Pretty hefty items they're adding to our tab. And I see the waiter coming! Buddy, can you spare a dime?
