The Ties That Bind

Well, girls and boys, our favorite couple is back together. Met for a date in Unity, New Hampshire. This campaign is taking on more and more of a cosmic aura. Here’s the cosmic fact about Unity, aside from its name. 107 Uniters voted for Hillary and 107 Uniters voted for Barack. They couldn’t bear to disagree; if they had to, they’d split it down the middle. Or it’s a hoax. A hoax usually make you feel good. This made you feel good. I vote for hoax. This is a political campaign, after all.

But it was beautiful to watch – Hillary in a light summer suit, Barack perched in an adolescent slump behind her on a stool, like a good wife – and I fell in love with Hillary. A woman, not a girl. But she was girly at times, and a babe. She looked good. Not just good for Hillary, not just good for sixty, GOOD.… she’s Hillary – when she looks good, you feel a sense of relief. You relax. And that was her secret, folks. It wasn’t whatever Botox or (did she have time for?) plastic surgery (yes, she looked that good. Better.) It wasn’t the sexy false eyelashes. Or the several new and moving voices she seems to have learned, the subtle tones and pitches – HILLARY WAS HAPPY! She doesn’t have to hate Barack anymore. She doesn’t have to be afraid of anything. She can’t lose. If Obama wins, the Dems are in. If he loses, four more years – McCain said that was all he wanted – and she’s sitting pretty in the White House.

Bill didn’t show. He was out of the country. Wanted to get as far away as possible from the sound of his wife uniting with her erstwhile enemy. Bill’s still mad. And why shouldn’t he be? You send a girl to a man’s job, that’s what you get. See, folks, what he knows and what you should know, is that Hillary won. Even Barack knows.

Here’s what he said. You tell me if he doesn’t know who won. “… she can do anything the boys do, and do it better, and do it in heels!” He meant it. Especially, he said, the part about the heels. But “she did it better”? Then wouldn’t she have won? Well, folks, she did win! But you can’t have her because the Dems have a very undemocratic way of choosing their candidate. It’s not popular vote, and it's not state electoral votes that count; it's a formula. The people voted for Hillary. What Bill’s thinking is, “They wouldn’t have pushed me around like that! It’s because she’s a girl!”

Will the Ob have her for Veep? How can he deny us if she’s as wonderful as he says. And here’s what she said: “We need a leader with a partner that can bring about the change we all yearn for.” Would our Hill be talking about anyone but herself? You think she’s going to do it twice, and endorse some fool for Vice President because someone has decided he can carry a few states?

Here’s what Barack further said: “Stand side by side with me and Hillary.” What…with John Dough in the middle?

No, these two are coming together. And if we want them to stay together, we should tell them, loud and clear. Let’s not get pushed around, people, we want Hillary. Let’s have her!