Seat Belts Save Lives

Barack! Watch out! You’re going to fall off the edge. The right edge! (and I don’t mean “correct”). Be careful.

Who the hell are the Lefties going to vote for, if you and John are playing “man in the middle”? Or worse. You’re out looking for big-money backers. Isn’t that against the law? Not McCain-Feingold, I mean the moral law. You said you were a grass roots movement. You’re starting to look more like a genetically modified cultivar. Your money-maker says she was just fooling around on the Internet because she couldn’t get her hands on you. Barack! I can’t afford thirty thou to see you. All of a sudden, I’m Cinderella. I can’t go to the ball.

“It’s the same old tune, fiddle and guitar
Where do we take it from here?
Rhinestone suits and new shiny cars
We’ve been the same way for years.
We need change…”

It’s okay by you if Bush is in my bedroom (electronically of course. We know you’re a moral man). Let those telecom people do whatever they want. Let them listen to my phone sex, my drug deal, what do you care? You’ve got to be president, even if means jettisoning everything you ever said you stood for.

“…Singing my songs, one of his now and then
but I don’t think Hank done ’em this a’way …”

Hank would have stood behind his words and trusted the American people to stand by theirs. They said they wanted you. But that was the old Obama they said they wanted. The one who wasn’t going to stoop to petty politicking.

Christ is going to get a seat at the table. And maybe Muhammad. You're going to fund them for doing social good. Better keep an eye on them Barry. Both these guys have been shown in the past to have a violent side.

And now the New York Fucking Times has declared that you’ve bought into “the anti-gun control groups’ misreading (italics mine, as well as journalistic jeers) of the Constitution as implying an individual right to bear arms.”

And Barry – death penalty maybe, but who is it you’re so anxious for the state to off , aside from murderers? People who have phone sex, perhaps? People who peddle pot?

Well man, I like some of this – not that last! You’re coming my way. But what about the people who loved you on the left?

Yeah, guys, where you gonna go?

To paraphrase an old aunt of mine : Have I got a candidate for you!

You want someone who is not supported by the very corporations you irrationally hate.

You want someone doing it soley through the Internet, not someone throwing big bucks at television.

You want someone to pick Bush up by the seat of his pants and kick him to hell out of your bedroom.

You’d love to impeach the bastard. And “friendly-fire Cheney” with him.

You want Christ and Muhammad and the rest of that crowd as far away from Washington as they can get.

You don’t even want guns to be an issue. Guns are bad. Let’s not even talk about them, for godsake. You’re scaring the children.

You don’t want a death penalty at all, let alone for someone who maybe blew up a US building.

No more money for guns!

Solar! Not Nukes!

And if all this doesn’t convince you that I’ve put the perfect candidate right in your lap, try this on:

Legalize marijuana!

Ah! I knew I had your number!

Now all you old flower-children and all you college students who want change, do this: Form a circle and hold hands. Close your eyes and repeat after me,

RALPH NADER FOR PRESIDENT!