Gay Mirage

Pronounce that gay "marriage." That’s what it is. A gay mirage. Not unlike the illusion of any other lovers who cannot marry. “Oh, if only…”

If only what? If only I had that piece of paper that entitled me to get divorced.

Nobody seems to like the very civilized “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” which should be everybody’s mantra in their daily lives. But to get on your good side, I’m telling. I am not gay. Never occurred to me to be gay. But listen, guys, I know, that’s because I’m old. Old enough to know better. No, that’s not what I mean to say. The old saw just came out like a slip of the tongue. I’ll bet you don’t know what an old saw is. Well, neither do I. I know how the words are used, but it’s the generation before me that knew what an old saw was, and why that was funny. It’ll be the same way with “gay” someday. Nobody will know why that means "men who love each other." They won’t know there was ever a difference between a man and a woman and a man and a man.

Hey! How come he’s so hung up on men? What about a woman and a woman?

What about it? That’s sisterhood. Not unlike being a nun. Nothing gets in, nothing comes out.

I know what you’re thinking. That I’ve been inoffensive and decent of late; you almost wouldn’t recognize me. And now, I’ve fallen off the wagon; my mind’s back in the filthy gutter.

Wrong. It’s not filth. The Supremes told Texas it wasn’t. It’s life as usual, with a minor change in the cast.

Would you believe that when I was young there weren’t any homosexuals? All right, there were some, but they were few. You knew they existed, but you didn’t know any. Do you think half the population lived in closets? I don’t. I think it wasn’t on the menu. The ones who were, were. They found out for themselves, without anyone asking or telling them. Now, it’s a choice. Which are you? And you’re badgered with the question as soon as you enter school and have your first health class. What’s the answer? Fast, now, you don’t want to get marked down.

Well, it sure as hell is easier to get along with your own sex. Hey, they’re just like you. Why bother trying the other thing when this is so easy, and comes so naturally, with your buddy.

In my terms, that’s simply called not growing up.

So… now these people who chose not to grow up wish to marry their buds. Well why the hell not their dogs? They’re companionable, they sleep with you, they will truly honor in sickness and in health, and you can’t beat a dog for “obey.” People love them more than they do their spouses. So why not? Different species? Can’t make children? Neither can two men.

If marriage is for the protection of children, you don’t need it, guys. Any child you have belongs to at best, one of you. He’s the one responsible, even if he’s set up house with a butterfly.

I’m all for living with your bud. Or your mother. Or brother. Or your cubicle-mate. Two can live cheaper than one. And you should love each other. Everyone should love his fellow man. You should not be penalized for lacking the document, issued by the state, signifying that your children will not be bastards.

So, what to do. Let’s start with the 1040. You know those words: "Married Filing Jointly"? Let’s get that “married” out of there. Any two people should be able to file jointly.

Next, benefits and entitlements. If the state wants to subsidize a basic unit, any pair qualifies. Visit to a hospital? (Or prison?) One “designated other” qualifies. Tax-free inheritance? Ditto. Get the state out of the institution of marriage.

The churches or any other aggregation, should be free to vest themselves with the power to pronounce. And, by the way, set their own rules for the bestowing of the blessing. Such things shouldn’t be subject to the will of the majority. What we’re talking about is one of those famous inalienable rights.

Get the entitlements out of it, and same-sex marriage ceases to be an issue of concern to anyone but the community that sanctifies it. To get your government goodies, your state-given rights and privileges, you will not be asked, and will not have to tell, who puts what where, when, or how.