I riled up the multitudes by “insinuating” that God’s sons were putting it to the daughters of men. Insinuating? It’s a fact. As much of a fact as anything in the Bible. Here it is: “And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born unto them, that the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all they chose.” Surprised, huh? Why do you think they give kids those books with the big pictures and selected bible stories instead of the Bible itself? The Bible is X-rated.
As I move along in the story, it’s sounding less and less like the same God who did the terraforming, and created man to prune his flora and fauna, was the one who led the Jews out of
The Creator must have been proud of his creation. He gave us a 120-year life span, which we’ve somehow squandered, and he left the garden with no one in charge. Several times either he or a deputy came back to find everything had run amuck. Punishments were instituted – Noah was salvaged from one of these.
Then someone hit upon the idea of boosting the creatures’ self esteem. Find a bunch without the oomph to have already fallen to whoredom, tell them they’re the chosen people and convince them they can do great deeds. Let them have at those other buggers who can’t keep it zipped.
Does this God love his people?
When they’re about to enter the Promised Land, he makes a speech called “How and why I despise the Jews,” in which he calls them, among other things, stiff-necked. Stiff-necked is not what you get from sleeping in a bad position. According to my Random House Dictionary, it means “haughty, obstinate, hard or impossible to manage, stubbornly disobedient.” God knew his people.
Eventually, he got so angry, he made them walk in circles for forty years, because they backed away from a fight.
The truth was, God had sent out a skeleton force; Joshua didn’t have enough boots on the ground. But the Lord didn’t want to admit he had bad intelligence. (There were giants up there.)
He said, “You pathetic worms, you’re so damn timid, you can’t believe you’ve got special powers even though I brought a shitload of tricks with us. Go wander in the desert with nothing to do but procreate. Build up an army so you’ll believe you can do it yourself, since you don’t trust my shock and awe.
I’m leaving the Levites in charge of the computer. Keep it oiled, Levites. I’ll be back in forty years. If I can’t make it, I’ll send someone. Go forth and multiply.”
The Creator’s greatest trick is multiplication.
And he left. He didn’t even go over to
